well as we know i am not pregnant. i havent a period that lite since my first period at 13. i shouldnt be worried though right..... anyway i partied so hard my birthday. thats the fucking understatement of the year. i was so drunk that there is a patch in time that i dont remember. i did meet this puerto rican guy. we went on a 24 hour date this past weekend more on that later.....
i am mad at brian. he missed my birthday. thats grounds for dismissal in my book. when i saw him last he asked me what i wanted for my birthday. my first instinct was to say those hot ass lanvin pumps but i didnt. my next answer was for him to just spend my actual birthday with me. i have never had a guy spend my birthday with me. he said cool. the week of my birthday was hectic. there wasnt a real plan, the only plan was to be drunk. as usual. on wednesday he told me he had to go back to DC and he would be back thursday night. red flag. i didnt believe it. it was cutting it too close. he told me to trust him. i was really thinking whatever but i agreed. i knew in my mind he wouldnt be back. thursday comes and i cant get in touch with him. i had class and his flight was scheduled to come in at 800 which was cool because i got out of school at 600. he sent me a message saying that he would be delayed and that he would be back first thing friday. here it is. this is when the bullshit starts. he called me at 12:01 am and told me happy birthday. it was sweet and he promised that he would be back. he sensed the doubt and kept trying to convince me he would back.
first thing friday comes and no brian. he called me at 10:30 am and tells me its a coupls of more things that he has to do and he will be on the way. there was so much going on that day i didnt even think about it. i was upset with other things that i didnt have time to miss him. my birthday celebration came and went and i was so drunk. i passed out. i woke saturday at my house and i was laying in the bathroom. i got up and walked to the sofa and as it hit me it was snowing. it ws so pretty but i couldnt enjoy it. i was hung over. i felt like shit. all my stuff was in one spot and my phone was blinking. everybody under the sun had called me. brian called me eight times. his sister called four. in and out consciousness i would hear the phone but i couldnt answer it. i was coming back from the bathroom and he called me. i answered baby ....he screamed! yes i muttered. where have you been? i have been calling you. i am stuck at the airport...i am taking the first flight out of here. i was silent. i felt like old yeller. i needed to be shot. i am sorry i missed your birthday babe but i got something really special planned for us. do you hear me? babe? i hear you...i am so sorry. brian i will call you back...i didnt want to talk. i was dying. i hung up on him. the whole day i was sleeping and waking up going to the bathroom and throwing up. i wasnt right until sunday.
i still felt weak but now i could hold food down. he called me asked where i was. i told him at home and he said good he was on his way. i didnt want to see him. he missed my fucking my birthday! he called me and i went outside. he was gave me and big hug and kissed me. he handed an envelope. i looked at it and looked at him. he said take it. i opened it and it was a brochure for a cabin in tennessee. i was thinking to myself this is it? as bad you fucked up you want me to take me to the beautiful, romantic tennessee? the birthplace of the Klan ?(check your facts) he needed to take me to the lake tahoe at least or canada or something.
damn! it made me laugh. i handed the envelope back to him. he looked at me and said he was sorry. he tried. i didnt give a damn. my birthday was friday not fucking whenever he was trying to make it be. i told him i didnt want it. i told him i gotta go and turned to walk away. he grabbed my arm and said he was sorry again. i looked at him and shook my head. i didnt want to hear it. i went back into the house and left his ass standing outside. he called me and i didnt answer, as a matter of fact i turned my phone off. i have every right to be a bitch. he came to the door. i didnt answer. he kept knocking. after a few minutes i opened it. i walked off and he closed and locked the door. he followed me into the living room. he sat next to me on the couch. he grabbed my hand and i jerked it away. he looked defeated. i started to talk. the only thing i wanted was for you to be here with me on my birthday. the only thing. you couldnt even do that. i shouldnt have to celebrate my birthday on january 20 because thats not my birthday. thats all i wanted. that hurt because you knew how special that was to me. i gave him a look. i wished he would drop dead. he shook his head. babe there was a lot going on and i got caught up and i missed my flight and...so i dont care you should have been here period. i dont want to talk i will call you later. he sat there for a minute looked at me grabbed my hand and kissed it and left. i was so mad. he called me all day. i didnt take his phone calls and havent talked to him since. i was dead ass serious you guys. he has called and texted me and i guess i will talk to him soon. it just hurt. it was in his control and he fucked up.majorily.
28.1.08
16.1.08
thank you jesus!
it has been a minute since i have blogged. last time i was going through it but many quick shots of vodka took those feelings away. since then i was having sort of a mini crisis.
you guys know that i have been hooking up with brian. well my period comes like clockwork when the rent is due. on the 3rd. I start pmsing around the end of the month and then once my period comes its hell for the next five days and i am over it. that isnt the case this time. i had been living a happy sex free life for the past year. yes i did have the interlude with cheater and my boyfriend oh and the girl but not to much to "disturb the peace" if you know what i mean. now that i have been having sex on a regular basis it has thrown my whole system off. i will go back a little.
at that time it was the end of december xmas has came and passed and i was kinda stressed because i had been working a lot with no rest. i was tired as hell and i was still going out and partying too. my body was off i guess. so new years came and went, me and brian had sex again. the next week came and theres nothing. no boob pain, no cramps, no headaches, no nothing. i am worried. just to let you guys know i have THE worst periods. i can barely walk, i have migranes, cramps that seem more like contractions, and my energy is non existent. it takes so much out of me. monday passes nothing. tuesday nothing. wednesday comes and i start streak. yes, finally! i streaked for a couple of days and just knew my period coming. saturday comes and i had stop streaking so now i am back to nothing. i am freaking out.
the next week begins and i am starting to think that i need to have that conversation with brian. you know the one. the "i havent got my period" conversation. i dont want to. it scares me. i decided that since we were going out to eat i would just talk about it then. it was an unseasonably warm day and we went to a eatery close to the CNN Center called McCormick and Schmicks. A nice seafood spot. we ate and laughed, talked and had a good time. during dinner i got him to agree to not put any pressure on me to be in a super serious relationship but we wont sleep with other people. across the street is centennial park. we decided to take a walk over by the fountains. the area has changed a lot and because it was daytime it wasnt so many bums and winos out.
we were holding hands and talking about random things. i was nervous but i felt like it was a conversation i needed to have.
brian...whats up...i need to tell you something....okay shoot...i...i dont know if...(this whole time i am stuttering and he is giving me a strange look)....you fucking somebody else?....what? no...oh okay...listen... i havent got my period yet..... at that point we stop walking and he grabs me and gives a hug. it was that type of hug that makes me feel better. he is taller than me, about 6'3 and i am about 5'3. he is muscular and i felt like i melted into his chest. i felt better for a moment.we walk over to the bench and he says, "dont be worried" i hate when people say that. they say that shit because they arent going through the crisis at the time. i said, "i can't not be worried. i mean its a god possiblity that i could be pregnant. we have never used condoms so i mean there is a chance." yeah but im not going anywhere and if you are pregnant we will make a decision. dont stress about it, that is probably making it worse." i knew he was right but i didnt want to hear that. i wanted to feel a headache, cramps, and all the other horrible things.
we sat there for a moment and held hands. it was nice. i honestly felt like i wasnt pregnant though. but i knew i had done things wrong so it could have been a possiblity. i am not mommy material. although my baby would be fly, i dont want the responsibility. i mean you have change diapers, feed it, you cant go anywhere because you have to get a babysitter, blah, blah no freaking way. i like to get up and go. i dont want to be responsible for shaping someones life. i think mine was shaped wrong so i dont want to pass it on. no matter what he said i was going to be upset. we went to get drinks over at the rocker bar called the vortex. he wouldnt let me drink hard liquor so i had a couple glasses of wine. we left and went back to his house. when we got there he mentioned subtly that he wanted to have sex and i told not if he didnt have condoms so needless to say we didnt. not at that moment. i almost broke down because he was looking to damn good in his tank top and shorts and smelling all manly and stuff. i went to the other side of the bed. laying there next to him is so hard. its not about the sex i just wanted him to touch me. i knew that if he touched me it would be a wrap because i have never told no except that one time. he went straight to sleep and i got up and went down strairs. i was stressed i went to the bathroom looking for any signs of a period. nothing. this is my own fault. i looked at tv for awhile and went back upstairs. i got in the bed and curled up on his chest. he kissed me on my forehead. which lead to a kiss on the lips which lead to more kisses on the neck and shirts coming off and him on top. moans and groans. i know. i know. i am wrong again. he shouldnt smell so good.
the week passes and now its a friday and i have no symptoms. me and my friend go out and she says "i got my period." the reason she told me is because we were supposed to do this party. i was heated how did she get her period before me? well that must mean mine is coming too. we partied that night and the next day my period came. thank you jesus! i am having a few small cramps, but all in all not that bad. which makes me wonder why. i have never had an easy period and all of a sudden they are breezy like this? no way. i called brian to tell him and he starts laughing and tells me that he is glad i wont be worried anymore. then i start to tell hom how i am not bleeding a lot and he got grossed out and stopped me. i am just glad i got my period.
you guys know that i have been hooking up with brian. well my period comes like clockwork when the rent is due. on the 3rd. I start pmsing around the end of the month and then once my period comes its hell for the next five days and i am over it. that isnt the case this time. i had been living a happy sex free life for the past year. yes i did have the interlude with cheater and my boyfriend oh and the girl but not to much to "disturb the peace" if you know what i mean. now that i have been having sex on a regular basis it has thrown my whole system off. i will go back a little.
at that time it was the end of december xmas has came and passed and i was kinda stressed because i had been working a lot with no rest. i was tired as hell and i was still going out and partying too. my body was off i guess. so new years came and went, me and brian had sex again. the next week came and theres nothing. no boob pain, no cramps, no headaches, no nothing. i am worried. just to let you guys know i have THE worst periods. i can barely walk, i have migranes, cramps that seem more like contractions, and my energy is non existent. it takes so much out of me. monday passes nothing. tuesday nothing. wednesday comes and i start streak. yes, finally! i streaked for a couple of days and just knew my period coming. saturday comes and i had stop streaking so now i am back to nothing. i am freaking out.
the next week begins and i am starting to think that i need to have that conversation with brian. you know the one. the "i havent got my period" conversation. i dont want to. it scares me. i decided that since we were going out to eat i would just talk about it then. it was an unseasonably warm day and we went to a eatery close to the CNN Center called McCormick and Schmicks. A nice seafood spot. we ate and laughed, talked and had a good time. during dinner i got him to agree to not put any pressure on me to be in a super serious relationship but we wont sleep with other people. across the street is centennial park. we decided to take a walk over by the fountains. the area has changed a lot and because it was daytime it wasnt so many bums and winos out.
we were holding hands and talking about random things. i was nervous but i felt like it was a conversation i needed to have.
brian...whats up...i need to tell you something....okay shoot...i...i dont know if...(this whole time i am stuttering and he is giving me a strange look)....you fucking somebody else?....what? no...oh okay...listen... i havent got my period yet..... at that point we stop walking and he grabs me and gives a hug. it was that type of hug that makes me feel better. he is taller than me, about 6'3 and i am about 5'3. he is muscular and i felt like i melted into his chest. i felt better for a moment.we walk over to the bench and he says, "dont be worried" i hate when people say that. they say that shit because they arent going through the crisis at the time. i said, "i can't not be worried. i mean its a god possiblity that i could be pregnant. we have never used condoms so i mean there is a chance." yeah but im not going anywhere and if you are pregnant we will make a decision. dont stress about it, that is probably making it worse." i knew he was right but i didnt want to hear that. i wanted to feel a headache, cramps, and all the other horrible things.
we sat there for a moment and held hands. it was nice. i honestly felt like i wasnt pregnant though. but i knew i had done things wrong so it could have been a possiblity. i am not mommy material. although my baby would be fly, i dont want the responsibility. i mean you have change diapers, feed it, you cant go anywhere because you have to get a babysitter, blah, blah no freaking way. i like to get up and go. i dont want to be responsible for shaping someones life. i think mine was shaped wrong so i dont want to pass it on. no matter what he said i was going to be upset. we went to get drinks over at the rocker bar called the vortex. he wouldnt let me drink hard liquor so i had a couple glasses of wine. we left and went back to his house. when we got there he mentioned subtly that he wanted to have sex and i told not if he didnt have condoms so needless to say we didnt. not at that moment. i almost broke down because he was looking to damn good in his tank top and shorts and smelling all manly and stuff. i went to the other side of the bed. laying there next to him is so hard. its not about the sex i just wanted him to touch me. i knew that if he touched me it would be a wrap because i have never told no except that one time. he went straight to sleep and i got up and went down strairs. i was stressed i went to the bathroom looking for any signs of a period. nothing. this is my own fault. i looked at tv for awhile and went back upstairs. i got in the bed and curled up on his chest. he kissed me on my forehead. which lead to a kiss on the lips which lead to more kisses on the neck and shirts coming off and him on top. moans and groans. i know. i know. i am wrong again. he shouldnt smell so good.
the week passes and now its a friday and i have no symptoms. me and my friend go out and she says "i got my period." the reason she told me is because we were supposed to do this party. i was heated how did she get her period before me? well that must mean mine is coming too. we partied that night and the next day my period came. thank you jesus! i am having a few small cramps, but all in all not that bad. which makes me wonder why. i have never had an easy period and all of a sudden they are breezy like this? no way. i called brian to tell him and he starts laughing and tells me that he is glad i wont be worried anymore. then i start to tell hom how i am not bleeding a lot and he got grossed out and stopped me. i am just glad i got my period.
6.1.08
the real....
have you ever felt like your life was going fucking nowwhere? thats what i am feeling right now. I am in a super transitional period. i have to make a decision on a lot of things. i dont really feel like i have accomplished anything. i also dont feel like there is anyone for me to talk to. part of the problem is i dont really know what i want to do but here i am trying to pick a grad school. i know i want to leave atlanta. i love it here but i need something different. my next favorite place is DC and that is hella expensive. sure i could do live with brian but i dont want to do that. i am not a dependant person. i know that he would take care of everything but at what cost? im kinda like Sarah Jessica Parker in sex and the city. basically the whole show was her discovering who she was as a person and that made her so lovable. every few years i am always at a crossroads and i am never comfortable with my decisions. i feel like i have made to many bad ones so i hate to be absolutely definite on anything. except for clothes and shoes. you know shit that dosent really matter.
i wish that i could start every thing over. i am just freaking out because my birthday is coming up and nothing has changed that much. i think i am still living the same life i was living a year or two ago but in less expensive clothes. i wish i was one of those chics who was comfortable having a man do everything for them, but that isnt me. i am scared out of my mind right now. i spend to many of my days thinking that i am a bad person for the things that i have done and havent done. i just want to be happy and settled. i feel like my life hasnt started yet and i am getting to old. i mean i am not 30 yet and already i sound like i am about to die. i think it is unfair that at 17 or 18 years old to ask what are you going to major in in college? some people know and others dont. if you mess up that early, it could be bad. at 18 youre legally an adult but honestly how many people are that focused? i dont know any freshman or sophomores in college that get straight a's. i'm not saying its possible i just dont know any.
i dont want to make any more mistakes. i feel that my decision making abilities are completely flawed. i am harder on myself than anyone in the world. things are that fucking bad in my mind. i am just venting and if anyone is reading this i appreciate you bearing with me. i am a capricorn and i am emotional. i dont want to think about this anymore. i went out to my car and got my emergency stash of vodka. i am gonna end this post to have a few drinks. i will update this situation later.
i wish that i could start every thing over. i am just freaking out because my birthday is coming up and nothing has changed that much. i think i am still living the same life i was living a year or two ago but in less expensive clothes. i wish i was one of those chics who was comfortable having a man do everything for them, but that isnt me. i am scared out of my mind right now. i spend to many of my days thinking that i am a bad person for the things that i have done and havent done. i just want to be happy and settled. i feel like my life hasnt started yet and i am getting to old. i mean i am not 30 yet and already i sound like i am about to die. i think it is unfair that at 17 or 18 years old to ask what are you going to major in in college? some people know and others dont. if you mess up that early, it could be bad. at 18 youre legally an adult but honestly how many people are that focused? i dont know any freshman or sophomores in college that get straight a's. i'm not saying its possible i just dont know any.
i dont want to make any more mistakes. i feel that my decision making abilities are completely flawed. i am harder on myself than anyone in the world. things are that fucking bad in my mind. i am just venting and if anyone is reading this i appreciate you bearing with me. i am a capricorn and i am emotional. i dont want to think about this anymore. i went out to my car and got my emergency stash of vodka. i am gonna end this post to have a few drinks. i will update this situation later.
5.1.08
miss martini's life tidbits
my ex( the married one that lied about it) gets on my nerves. he is so fucking boring! i hate a dude who wants to sit around and do nothing because thats not me.
i have a friend who i havent seen since november. me and her have been best friends for ten years. now i call her and she dosent answer or we speak via email. i feel like she is going through something and she is not telling me. which she is known to do. so after asking her is shes okay and making plans to never materialize should i just give up? We were supposed to hang out on her birthday but i had to go to my nieces baby christianing so i didnt go to the club with her. i havent seen her since then. we have never celebrated each others birthdays with each other. i dont know what to do.
i am a grown up now. i am so uncomfortable with my age that i dont even tell people when they ask. i give them a ball park figure. i always say over 21 less than thirty. i think i am having a mid life crisis and i am not even mid life yet.
what am i going to do for my birthday? it is in two weeks and i havent planned a thing but to be drunk.
i want to buy a new car but i dont know what kind. i went to a certain dealership and they told me i should pay 5000 down payment. this isnt including the cost of the new car. you know i walked right out. i could ask brian to buy me one but i wont. i know that he would but i would feel obligated to him.
speaking of which i have to figure what i am going to do with him. i like him. we had a conversation about us and i dont know if it went anywhere. he is a really good guy i just....i have to switch my feelings and thats hard to do midstream. he understands that but i feel like we would be in this super serious relationship and i have a feeling he is kinda possessive.
my ex and i have kinda rekindled. he asked me to move in with him and i said that i would but there are some obstacles. he has two kids. i have no kids. he has one that lives on the west coast and another that is a teenager that lives here with him. i have never meet his kids. so i would go from single person to stepmom basically. another thing is that i kinda want to settle down and i dont want to do that without an iron clad committment. as you guys may remember we have our problems and our communication can be horrible at times. he told me he dosent want to go out that much this year because he wants to save money. that means we would do nothing but stay in the house. BORING!!!!!!! he also wants to buy new furniture. i have six month old furniture in storage that he wants me to throw away. he has no regard for my stuff. i dont understand if he is trying to save money he could do that by using my furniture. we never see each other and when we do we dont go anywhere. i think i would cheat on him. sometimes i feel like we have to much history and we may not work.
i start school on tuesday. it feels so funny because i have been out of school for a month. but i am four classes closer to graduating.
i dont know if i am gay.
i used to be a stripper (my life as a stripper post is in the works) this whole getting a check thing is foreign to me. when i see it, i am usually disappointed because its what i used to make onstage for one three song set.
i need to lose weight. i am not fat but i think i am used to being smaller. i can still shop and buy clothes from wherever i want i just want to be about twenty pounds lighter. if i did i would weight 115. i dont think thats cute for me.
i am finished complaining for now. enjoy youre weekend
i have a friend who i havent seen since november. me and her have been best friends for ten years. now i call her and she dosent answer or we speak via email. i feel like she is going through something and she is not telling me. which she is known to do. so after asking her is shes okay and making plans to never materialize should i just give up? We were supposed to hang out on her birthday but i had to go to my nieces baby christianing so i didnt go to the club with her. i havent seen her since then. we have never celebrated each others birthdays with each other. i dont know what to do.
i am a grown up now. i am so uncomfortable with my age that i dont even tell people when they ask. i give them a ball park figure. i always say over 21 less than thirty. i think i am having a mid life crisis and i am not even mid life yet.
what am i going to do for my birthday? it is in two weeks and i havent planned a thing but to be drunk.
i want to buy a new car but i dont know what kind. i went to a certain dealership and they told me i should pay 5000 down payment. this isnt including the cost of the new car. you know i walked right out. i could ask brian to buy me one but i wont. i know that he would but i would feel obligated to him.
speaking of which i have to figure what i am going to do with him. i like him. we had a conversation about us and i dont know if it went anywhere. he is a really good guy i just....i have to switch my feelings and thats hard to do midstream. he understands that but i feel like we would be in this super serious relationship and i have a feeling he is kinda possessive.
my ex and i have kinda rekindled. he asked me to move in with him and i said that i would but there are some obstacles. he has two kids. i have no kids. he has one that lives on the west coast and another that is a teenager that lives here with him. i have never meet his kids. so i would go from single person to stepmom basically. another thing is that i kinda want to settle down and i dont want to do that without an iron clad committment. as you guys may remember we have our problems and our communication can be horrible at times. he told me he dosent want to go out that much this year because he wants to save money. that means we would do nothing but stay in the house. BORING!!!!!!! he also wants to buy new furniture. i have six month old furniture in storage that he wants me to throw away. he has no regard for my stuff. i dont understand if he is trying to save money he could do that by using my furniture. we never see each other and when we do we dont go anywhere. i think i would cheat on him. sometimes i feel like we have to much history and we may not work.
i start school on tuesday. it feels so funny because i have been out of school for a month. but i am four classes closer to graduating.
i dont know if i am gay.
i used to be a stripper (my life as a stripper post is in the works) this whole getting a check thing is foreign to me. when i see it, i am usually disappointed because its what i used to make onstage for one three song set.
i need to lose weight. i am not fat but i think i am used to being smaller. i can still shop and buy clothes from wherever i want i just want to be about twenty pounds lighter. if i did i would weight 115. i dont think thats cute for me.
i am finished complaining for now. enjoy youre weekend
2.1.08
me and fashion
for as long as i can remember i have always loved clothes. not even clothes so much as style. so to me, style and fashion of course go hand and hand. i love the whole nine. the clothes, hair, makeup, accessories, shoes.
when i was a little girl my grandma would get fashion magazines. she would subscribe to one magazine and get thousands more. she would ask me and my cousins to pick out magazines that we wanted so we could have reading material over her house. my cousins would pick out "highlights" and any other kid magazaine but for some strange reason shw always had fashion mags and i gravitated towards those. i have no clue why, i just did. i loved the glamourous ads from chanel, yves saint laurent and a lot of the older fashion houses. she also received conde nast traveler magazine. they would have fashion ads them too. i would tear them out and collect them. they were so beautiful and glamourous to me. when i was bored i would look over all my tear sheets and magazines, studying every detail.
my mother also had a lot of influence on me. she always preached to me that i was a lady and that i had to look nice and more than presentable all the time. for every event she would buy a new outfit. i remember her getting ready to go out with her friends and putting on her stockings, the perfume, her dress, the whole nine. maybe two or three times a month she would take me on a shopping spree. i would go to 5-7-9 or merry go round and buy a whole bunch on clothes.
of course i went through my tomboy phase, but i am a true girly girl. i have always been obsessed with high fashion. i am a southern girl and in the south for a long time guys werent fashionable. i have always been attracted to stylish men with a swagger. for a period of about two or three years i only dated guys from new york because they rocked the style so hard and always had the newest clothes. versace, iceburg, coogi were some of the big labels out at the time. i loved it.
i love vivianne westwood, yves saint laurent, christian lacroix, etc. i would say 75% of my day is consumed with thinking of some sort of style. i was asked at work how did i know so much about clothes. you wouldnt believe it but a lot of people at my job dont have a clue about fashion. i work at macys in visual merchandising and operations. we have a lot of designer clothes but not like neimans, bloomys, or saks. fashion is a love of mine. its like a very serious boyfriend and we are in this committed relationship. every season i watch almost every designers collections, men and women. i study fashion and style so hard that i can remember a single piece from a collection. in my stories i may mention something about gucci jeans or marc jacobs tees and its because i have viewed the collection a million times and have committed them to memory and i recognize them instantly. i also go to barnes and noble or any book store and gather all the fashion mags i can find. i spend a day reading italian and british fashion mags, looking at ads, studying the styles from around the world.
of course i have favorite designers and design houses. catherine malandrino, gucci by frida giannini, mcq by alexander mcqueen, versace, dolce and gabanna, michael kors, diane von fursenberg, balenciaga, etc.i am partial to italian designers because the fit of the clothing is so crazy. people that inspire me fashion wise are victoria beckham, lindsey lohan, the olsen twins, sarah jessica parker, gwen stefani, jennifer lopez, nicole richie, pharell, kanye west and his girl alexis, diddy, jay-z and most recently rihanna.
i also watch a lot of old movies. i love old hollywood glamour. the style was impeccable. i guess all this explains why i am so obsessed. i have always said i wanted to die being hit in the head by a rack full of couture clothes or trampled in some kind of fashion stampede. one can only dream........
i know its a little shallow but what can i say. i do have my rules and they only apply to me.
Miss Martini's Fashion Rules
1. you have to make sacrifices for fashion. i am willing to bleed, cut off my circulation, starve, pass out, feel faint, or stop breathing all together if i have to be fabolous.
2. i wont be caught dead with cheap jeans on ever! jeans last forever and they are an investment. i never buy cheap ones because they roll up at the bottom, dont last long, and usually the fit is horrible. they make my ass look funny.
3. i always wear high heels. i wear heels with everything. jeans, dress, jogging suit, cargo pants, sleeping (just kidding) i dont believe in flat shoes. what are those? i'm only 5'3. i need help.
4. i always keep a good lip gloss, eyeshadow, and mascara handy. you never know what may happen.
5. i follow the trends for the season but i modify them to fit me. i know what works for me and i stick to it. i love leggings, skinny jeans, heels, and blouson tops.
6. i invest in good quality handbags. i love michael kors bags because they are very well made, last forever, and are affordable. plus not that many people carry them except for those rich white ladies. its not like a coach bag which see on every person's arm. Speaking of coach, they have these plaid wellies that i have been eyeballing for awhile.
7. good perfume is a must. i can still remember how people smell even if i dont remember anything else about them.
8. i try to buy at least one or two new things a week. i love to open my closet and see all the clothes. gives me a rush. i dont believe that you can EVER have too many clothes. it keeps the excitement up after a hard week at work. i always try to reward myself with a new shirt or pants.
9. i like to buy quality. i would rather have one quality piece than one thousand cheap pieces of shit that after one wash it tears or shrinks.
10. i love color. for a long time i stuck to earth tones because of my complexion. then one day i snapped out of it and i have been a color whore every since! i hate those boring ass colors that everyone wears. browns, dark green, wine, and especially black. blah! I love jewel tones and reds, yellows, oranges.
11. hair and clothes/makeup have to compliment each other. have you ever tried on a outfit and it dosent look right because of your hair or makeup? then you try on another outfit and it looks better? precisely.
12. i dont believe in letting my lights get caught off for an outfit. thats dumb. if i spend my light bill money on an outfit how will i see myself and all my fabolousity?
now you know me and my love of fashion.
when i was a little girl my grandma would get fashion magazines. she would subscribe to one magazine and get thousands more. she would ask me and my cousins to pick out magazines that we wanted so we could have reading material over her house. my cousins would pick out "highlights" and any other kid magazaine but for some strange reason shw always had fashion mags and i gravitated towards those. i have no clue why, i just did. i loved the glamourous ads from chanel, yves saint laurent and a lot of the older fashion houses. she also received conde nast traveler magazine. they would have fashion ads them too. i would tear them out and collect them. they were so beautiful and glamourous to me. when i was bored i would look over all my tear sheets and magazines, studying every detail.
my mother also had a lot of influence on me. she always preached to me that i was a lady and that i had to look nice and more than presentable all the time. for every event she would buy a new outfit. i remember her getting ready to go out with her friends and putting on her stockings, the perfume, her dress, the whole nine. maybe two or three times a month she would take me on a shopping spree. i would go to 5-7-9 or merry go round and buy a whole bunch on clothes.
of course i went through my tomboy phase, but i am a true girly girl. i have always been obsessed with high fashion. i am a southern girl and in the south for a long time guys werent fashionable. i have always been attracted to stylish men with a swagger. for a period of about two or three years i only dated guys from new york because they rocked the style so hard and always had the newest clothes. versace, iceburg, coogi were some of the big labels out at the time. i loved it.
i love vivianne westwood, yves saint laurent, christian lacroix, etc. i would say 75% of my day is consumed with thinking of some sort of style. i was asked at work how did i know so much about clothes. you wouldnt believe it but a lot of people at my job dont have a clue about fashion. i work at macys in visual merchandising and operations. we have a lot of designer clothes but not like neimans, bloomys, or saks. fashion is a love of mine. its like a very serious boyfriend and we are in this committed relationship. every season i watch almost every designers collections, men and women. i study fashion and style so hard that i can remember a single piece from a collection. in my stories i may mention something about gucci jeans or marc jacobs tees and its because i have viewed the collection a million times and have committed them to memory and i recognize them instantly. i also go to barnes and noble or any book store and gather all the fashion mags i can find. i spend a day reading italian and british fashion mags, looking at ads, studying the styles from around the world.
of course i have favorite designers and design houses. catherine malandrino, gucci by frida giannini, mcq by alexander mcqueen, versace, dolce and gabanna, michael kors, diane von fursenberg, balenciaga, etc.i am partial to italian designers because the fit of the clothing is so crazy. people that inspire me fashion wise are victoria beckham, lindsey lohan, the olsen twins, sarah jessica parker, gwen stefani, jennifer lopez, nicole richie, pharell, kanye west and his girl alexis, diddy, jay-z and most recently rihanna.
i also watch a lot of old movies. i love old hollywood glamour. the style was impeccable. i guess all this explains why i am so obsessed. i have always said i wanted to die being hit in the head by a rack full of couture clothes or trampled in some kind of fashion stampede. one can only dream........
i know its a little shallow but what can i say. i do have my rules and they only apply to me.
Miss Martini's Fashion Rules
1. you have to make sacrifices for fashion. i am willing to bleed, cut off my circulation, starve, pass out, feel faint, or stop breathing all together if i have to be fabolous.
2. i wont be caught dead with cheap jeans on ever! jeans last forever and they are an investment. i never buy cheap ones because they roll up at the bottom, dont last long, and usually the fit is horrible. they make my ass look funny.
3. i always wear high heels. i wear heels with everything. jeans, dress, jogging suit, cargo pants, sleeping (just kidding) i dont believe in flat shoes. what are those? i'm only 5'3. i need help.
4. i always keep a good lip gloss, eyeshadow, and mascara handy. you never know what may happen.
5. i follow the trends for the season but i modify them to fit me. i know what works for me and i stick to it. i love leggings, skinny jeans, heels, and blouson tops.
6. i invest in good quality handbags. i love michael kors bags because they are very well made, last forever, and are affordable. plus not that many people carry them except for those rich white ladies. its not like a coach bag which see on every person's arm. Speaking of coach, they have these plaid wellies that i have been eyeballing for awhile.
7. good perfume is a must. i can still remember how people smell even if i dont remember anything else about them.
8. i try to buy at least one or two new things a week. i love to open my closet and see all the clothes. gives me a rush. i dont believe that you can EVER have too many clothes. it keeps the excitement up after a hard week at work. i always try to reward myself with a new shirt or pants.
9. i like to buy quality. i would rather have one quality piece than one thousand cheap pieces of shit that after one wash it tears or shrinks.
10. i love color. for a long time i stuck to earth tones because of my complexion. then one day i snapped out of it and i have been a color whore every since! i hate those boring ass colors that everyone wears. browns, dark green, wine, and especially black. blah! I love jewel tones and reds, yellows, oranges.
11. hair and clothes/makeup have to compliment each other. have you ever tried on a outfit and it dosent look right because of your hair or makeup? then you try on another outfit and it looks better? precisely.
12. i dont believe in letting my lights get caught off for an outfit. thats dumb. if i spend my light bill money on an outfit how will i see myself and all my fabolousity?
13. men are accessories. dont you hate when you see a girl all dressed up in a cute dress and heels, completely put together and the man she is with has on baggy jeans and air force ones? just like hair, makeup, and jewelry he should compliment you.
14. The great Coco Chanel has one of my most favorite quotes, "a woman should be two things classy and fabolous" Is there any other way to live? I dont think so.
like i said these are my fashion rules. i am not saying that it should apply to everyone its only my beliefs.
now you know me and my love of fashion.
some random
my head hurts. i know that i am getting sick. which sucks because i was just sick. in good news after harassing my school's registrars office i found out that i got a B in my math class. thank god i didnt where all those low cut tops, skinny jeans, and heels for nothing!
i saw fineness today. i stopped by his job on my way home from work. we talked about why he was being a butthead. he is sexually frustrated and HE made it clear that it is not my job to fuck him. no shit. i'm glad he made it clear because if i had to do it, it wouldnt have been nice. oh yeah to relieve his sexual frustration i let him go down on me. ha!
why am i so lazy? i need to go and get my nails done. how do you have on $200 jeans with nails undone? ham no burger, peanut butter, no jelly! i just hate sitting there it takes so long! same with hair. i hate to iron clothes. i hate going to the dry cleaners. im just impatient. note to self-work on that.
so i am going through a bit of a crisis. two things i am trying to figure out what career path to take and if i am gay. i love clothes and i would love to have a career in it i just dont want to be broke and cute, which is not a good look. literally. normally i wouldnt share this info but i have a had a girlfriend in the past and now i have hooked up with a chic a couple of times recently. i like hooking up with girls way more than i do guys which is why i dont have sex with guys that often. i have to go through some kind of drought from affection of any kind for me to want sex. i barely like real penis why do i want a fake one from a chic.
its crazy though. i dont look at girls and get turned on. i look at guys and get turned on. if a guy could love me like a girl does it would be the bomb. it just dawned on my ass that maybe i am bisexual. or trisexual. i am babbling right now. but just go with it. i am so backwards. i have never been on top with a guy but have had anal sex. i dont like those guy girls i like girly girls like me. i dont miss sex from a guy like i do from a girl. i can go literal years with no sex because i dont really like it.
most say that i never had good sex. thats not true. there this one guy, he was hood as hell. he had good teeth, dreads, ghetto slang the whole nine. i swear he had me open. i loved hooking up with him. he wanted to have a relationship and i just wanted to "f". but you know the guys with good sex always has problems. he had no car, he lived in a bad ass neighborhood, no place of his own, emotional issues. he was like DMX without the cocaine. he would flip out on me for no reason. plus he was a capricorn.
moving on....
i wouldnt have this problem if common, the rock, or vin diesel would marry me. fuckers!
i just want you guys to know that i have a coworker from a previous job that is going to be on the flavor of love. i cant wait. she is a habitual liar and she will probably get beat up. her personality is like crazy from season 2. i cant freggin wait!
i woke up to brian yesterday. we had both passed out after drinking to many shots. i didnt even toast the new year because i was passed out.i woke up with paper stuck my face, my super cute half wig on one side of my head and naked. with the drool. shrimp were on the table and so was a big ass bottle of vodka and shot glasses. what can i say? i hope we didnt f because i dont remember. he was naked which means we probably did. i had to leave early because i had some things to do so i didnt get a chance to talk to him. he was sleep when i left anyway.
before i go i want to say check out the dreams "love hate" album. i hated shawty is a ten but he has some good songs like "playing in her hair", "ditch that", "i love your girl" "livin a lie", etc.
plus he is from atlanta!
i saw fineness today. i stopped by his job on my way home from work. we talked about why he was being a butthead. he is sexually frustrated and HE made it clear that it is not my job to fuck him. no shit. i'm glad he made it clear because if i had to do it, it wouldnt have been nice. oh yeah to relieve his sexual frustration i let him go down on me. ha!
why am i so lazy? i need to go and get my nails done. how do you have on $200 jeans with nails undone? ham no burger, peanut butter, no jelly! i just hate sitting there it takes so long! same with hair. i hate to iron clothes. i hate going to the dry cleaners. im just impatient. note to self-work on that.
so i am going through a bit of a crisis. two things i am trying to figure out what career path to take and if i am gay. i love clothes and i would love to have a career in it i just dont want to be broke and cute, which is not a good look. literally. normally i wouldnt share this info but i have a had a girlfriend in the past and now i have hooked up with a chic a couple of times recently. i like hooking up with girls way more than i do guys which is why i dont have sex with guys that often. i have to go through some kind of drought from affection of any kind for me to want sex. i barely like real penis why do i want a fake one from a chic.
its crazy though. i dont look at girls and get turned on. i look at guys and get turned on. if a guy could love me like a girl does it would be the bomb. it just dawned on my ass that maybe i am bisexual. or trisexual. i am babbling right now. but just go with it. i am so backwards. i have never been on top with a guy but have had anal sex. i dont like those guy girls i like girly girls like me. i dont miss sex from a guy like i do from a girl. i can go literal years with no sex because i dont really like it.
most say that i never had good sex. thats not true. there this one guy, he was hood as hell. he had good teeth, dreads, ghetto slang the whole nine. i swear he had me open. i loved hooking up with him. he wanted to have a relationship and i just wanted to "f". but you know the guys with good sex always has problems. he had no car, he lived in a bad ass neighborhood, no place of his own, emotional issues. he was like DMX without the cocaine. he would flip out on me for no reason. plus he was a capricorn.
moving on....
i wouldnt have this problem if common, the rock, or vin diesel would marry me. fuckers!
i just want you guys to know that i have a coworker from a previous job that is going to be on the flavor of love. i cant wait. she is a habitual liar and she will probably get beat up. her personality is like crazy from season 2. i cant freggin wait!
i woke up to brian yesterday. we had both passed out after drinking to many shots. i didnt even toast the new year because i was passed out.i woke up with paper stuck my face, my super cute half wig on one side of my head and naked. with the drool. shrimp were on the table and so was a big ass bottle of vodka and shot glasses. what can i say? i hope we didnt f because i dont remember. he was naked which means we probably did. i had to leave early because i had some things to do so i didnt get a chance to talk to him. he was sleep when i left anyway.
before i go i want to say check out the dreams "love hate" album. i hated shawty is a ten but he has some good songs like "playing in her hair", "ditch that", "i love your girl" "livin a lie", etc.
plus he is from atlanta!
1.1.08
cheater....
i am about to watch one of the most well styled movies in movie history, "the devil wears prada" and as you may or may not know i still deal with fineness. damn he fine. anyway he has been annoying me lately. him and his cousins are girl crazy which is alright. but he is married. yeah i knew that when i fucked him and it isnt going to change. his marriage is horrible from what i gather. he has to tell her weeks in advance if he is going out and cant be out to late. he told me they havent had sex since early november. damn thats a long ass time but i dont feel bad. i had sex with him in december. the few times i have seen him we havent had sex. i think thats what he wants though and i think he is trying to make me feel bad for not doing so. so now all our conversations are about sex.
him and his cousins went out recently and he was so eager to tell me. he said he could have had a three some and he could have went home with someone. why in the fuck are you telling me this? i dont care. now slowly but surely he keeps asking me dumb ass questions. would you be mad if i kissed someone? would you be mad if i got numbers? I'm not going to talk to them though. blah, blah, blah.
i can understand that he is frustrated but its not my job to fuck him. i am the clean up woman. i am fun, funny, and i love to party. i am not going to have sex with him again. he has mentioned sleeping with other girls and that is cool. but if he did, i wouldnt mess with him no more. its one thing to be a cheater but how would you cheat on the person you are cheating with? i had episodes with brian but he dosent know that. in his brain i am only messing with him. he just wants to have sex all the time and it not my problem.
him and his cousins went out recently and he was so eager to tell me. he said he could have had a three some and he could have went home with someone. why in the fuck are you telling me this? i dont care. now slowly but surely he keeps asking me dumb ass questions. would you be mad if i kissed someone? would you be mad if i got numbers? I'm not going to talk to them though. blah, blah, blah.
i can understand that he is frustrated but its not my job to fuck him. i am the clean up woman. i am fun, funny, and i love to party. i am not going to have sex with him again. he has mentioned sleeping with other girls and that is cool. but if he did, i wouldnt mess with him no more. its one thing to be a cheater but how would you cheat on the person you are cheating with? i had episodes with brian but he dosent know that. in his brain i am only messing with him. he just wants to have sex all the time and it not my problem.
welcome
hey,
i want to tell everyone happy new year. my birthday is coming up so i will be extra drunk to start. i am excited about it. up until now i had another blog, southersista.wordpress.com. so to catch up i will refer you there. i will have some interesting posts coming up. so stay tuned!
i want to tell everyone happy new year. my birthday is coming up so i will be extra drunk to start. i am excited about it. up until now i had another blog, southersista.wordpress.com. so to catch up i will refer you there. i will have some interesting posts coming up. so stay tuned!
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