30.3.08
what the...
what in the tarnation is going on? why cant people leave a comment let me find out how this works. i am working on it people.
reunited and it feels so... i"ll let you know
last night there was a party for a local club promoter. i knew about it but i had no intentions on going. the party scene here in atlanta is crazy and i was not ( and never) in the mood for the environment. after working in the club environment for four years, i cant take it. plus i am not about to dance for free! i know that may sound a little(insert an adjective of your choice) but its real. i got a call from my friend Nicole, that dates one of Brian's friends. She told me her man Jason was going, which meant Brian was going. I hadnt seen him in at least three weeks. We hadnt talked since "laperla gate 2008". He has called but i havent answered. I couldnt talk to him because I was back with my ex. i was on LD. lockdown. She told me i should go and have fun. that bitch was playing me she was wanting some drama. a little background on her. she is cool and pretty but loves to date athletes not just that but choice status men. thats all she dates. not for the money either, but for the recognition. we actually met when me and JR were together.
I told her i would go and she picked me up a few hours later. We looked cute of course. She had on a pink lingerie style dress from bebe and i had on a mcq tank over some shiny lame leggings and stilettos. the venue where the event was held is really small and in an alley, so you have to know where it is. when we got there it was packed and we went inside straight to the bar. we began mingling as we sipped pur martinis . one thing about me is that i am not that social. i have no clue why but thats me. maybe because i am shy. there were plenty of people there that fits the atlanta standard "young, fly, and flashy" we went downstairs and sat in a area just off the stairs. i was having a lot of fun being out and about. i felt pretty again. (more on that later) by this time the party was popping. it was crazy in there. everyone was drinking and having a good time. i got up and went upstairs where it wasnt as crowded. it was hot and i had just got my perm and i was not trying to sweat it out. not just yet. i sat on a sofa upstairs for awhile and i started to regret coming. why? because i am not a partier and i was starting to feel out of place. dont get me wrong i love to have a good time, but when was the last time I wrote about being in the party scene? Exactly. as i walked towards the downstairs area, i felt someone grab me. i turned around and it was Jason, Nicole boyfriend or boy toy or whatever he was. he grabbed me and said whats up! you look good. we were making small talk and catching up and he told me brian was down stairs. i gave him a look. i didnt want to see him i said. that was a bold face lie. i did, but i didnt. maybe i wasnt ready to.
he said whatever and grabbed my hand and pulled me downstairs. they were in the VIP area. it was packed and i could see a lot of women around. as i was approaching i could see him. he looked so good. all i could see was his frames(tom ford) and jeans ( i couldnt tell but i later found out that they were antik) and a tshirt (BBC)
there were so many women around. all of of them had on there fuck me pumps with accompanying dresses. this one chic was in his face. she was very pretty. she was laughing and talking and he looked like was he was interested. my heart dropped. it has been almost a month since i have seen him and the first time i saw him there was some girl in his face. Jason yells out, look who i found! He looked up and he smiled. seeing his face made me happy. he got up and grabbed me and picked me up. i felt good. he stood there hugging me for what seemed like forever. he stepped back and looked at me. Baby you look good. thanks i replied. just then i prayed (lord please, protect my vagina and by the end of the night please let me say no to sex) the girl he was talking to looked disgusted. he told her to move over. i said thats okay, i see you are busy i will come back. he said what! no its cool. sit. i shook my head no and told him i would be back. i walked away as fast as i could and went to the bathroom.
my heart was beating so fast. he looked damn good. i didnt want any drama because i was just not in the mood. after i collected myself i went to the bar and ordered ANOTHER martini. this guy came up and started to make small talk with me. he was nice but i could tell he was one of them. you know those who front so hard like they are about to blow up. let him tell it he had his own record company blah blah. he very well could have but the name of the record was something like "homeboy records". Whats the likelihood?
i was sitting there and felt someone kiss the back of my neck. brian. i turned around and i was kinda shocked. the guy was standing there and he looked shocked. the guy looked like he was going to say something, but he walked away. that was bold as hell. he sat next to me,grabbed my hand and kissed it. He looked at me with those hazel eyes and said, I miss you. i didnt say anything. what was there to say? when we stopped talking i had moved in with another guy and had been living as his wifey for that time. did i miss him? sometimes, but not really.
how was the party in vegas? i asked he smiled, it was cool. How was the party in dc? Cool. how did you know i went? i didnt you just told me. SIDEBAR-there was a party for a b-ball player a couple of weeks ago. Can we leave? I was not going to those hazel eyes fool me. i told him, no. thats took a lot because i never tell him no, except that one time in dc. he looked shocked. did you fool around in vegas? yeah he said matter of factly. i wasnt shocked. at least he told the truth. dc? yeah. damn he cant keep his pants zipped. what about the other places? NO. we were together then. whose panties were those? He smiled and looked away. i honestly dont know... he said when he finally looked at me. okay i said as i got up. he grabbed my arm. listen. sit back down. i sat. i dont really want to talk about that..... of course you dont brian.
baby please, lets just get out of here.... no.... you wont even admit to me what happened.... what if i did fuck around?... it wouldnt be the first time that it has happened to me.... would you be mad?..... no. i wouldnt (lie)...... so you dont give a fuck what i do? he was giving me that scary ass look. its not that. i know that i am not an easy person to deal with and maybe the chic was fine as hell and you couldnt say no...... have you been fucking somebody? he asked me. No i said. I am so surprised with all the storming outside that lightning didnt strike me dead as i told that lie.
i know you havent...what if i did? he gave me a look that was killer. well..i dont know... brian the rules shouldnt apply to only you... i dont know if i could handle it... what?... i said... you went to vegas and fucked somebody and you fucked somebody in dc. you were doing whatever you wanted to do. now it my turn and you tell me you cant handle it? fuck that. i knew then i could never tell him about the chic or about the dancing or the ex. NEVER! Well you havent and you wont so that dosent apply he said.. umm hmm.. i mumbled. hell i was lying, there was no point in me being loud WITH my lie. i told him i had to go to the little girls room and i would be back. i just needed a break. i went to the bathroom and leaned against the wall. i dont know what to do about him. i like him but i feel like there are things he dosent tell me. its more than a feeling, i know there are things that he dosent tell me. i feel like if we were to be together he would be a completely different person. i should always go with my gut. it never stirs me wrong. so maybe i should get back in with him to be a detective and find out whats going on. it could be just me. i dont trust a living soul. not even my own mother. its that serious. i am paranoid. i have every right to be.
after a few minutes i walked back to my seat, which was being sat in by a woman. gorgeous woman. light skin, long hair, smaller than me. typical as my friend would say. sorry if i offend anyone but i am brown skinned. he was smiling and talking to her. i stood there and watched for a moment. is this what he does when i am not around? at least he has good taste. she was laughing and playfully placing her hand on his chest and legs. i wanted to puke. it was so obvious that she was a groupie. i wasnt jealous though. i had already fucked him a million times and i could do it again so it was not a issue. but he was talking to another girl though.
i am fresh out of a relationship and i just dont have the energy to be mad at another man. they exchanged numbers and she walked away. i smiled and walked back to my seat. hey babe he said as he was smiling. in true brian style he had another drink waiting for me. she was cute, when are you gonna call her? i asked. he kinda laughed and didnt respond. when he didnt respond that made me snap.youre a piece of shit brian. you fuck somebody in hawaii, new orleans, phoenix, dc, and vegas. across the continental and non continental united states and then you have the balls enough to be in my face and you are still getting numbers? eww.you make me sick. i was real calm about this. we looked at each other and didnt say a word. i got up and was trying to make my way through the crowd. it was hella crowded and i was ready to go. i didnt know where nicole was. i got downstairs and looked in VIP and i didnt see her. I was pissed. I walked back upstairs and as i was walking past the bathroom i felt a hand. it was brian and he pulled me into the mens bathroom. dont be alarmed, the bathrooms are single and separate. so here we are in the mens bathroom. I wasnt mad at him, but i just wasnt in the mood for any drama. I wasnt in the mood to bitch either. imagine that!
We stood there and as much as I wanted him to bend me over the sink, it didnt happen. he said, why you acting crazy. I am not thinking about that girl. i want you, you know that....whatever brian..... i'm serious..... okay i said. he gave me a stern look, kissed me, and we walked out. we went downstairs and found the rest of our group. we ordered drinks and partied. to tell you guys the truth i have been in a blue funk for a minute. i have been going though a lot of issues and it was taking a toll on me. i was ready to go and brians kisses on the neck were getting to me. brian gathered the group and i hopped in the car him, nicole and jason hopped in her car and we stopped at Durpi's for breakfast. we laughed,talked, and ate. we left the spot and headed down peachtree. atlanta is such a beautiful city. we ended up at this nice high rise building in the atlantic station area.
we enter the elevator and brian is all over me. he was kissing me like crazy. it was fun and slutty. i was still drunk and by the sounds of it nicole and jason were doing the same things. we exit out the elevator and enter a large condo. it was beautiful. jason and nicole hit the sofa and brian goes to the fridge and pulls more alcohol. then it dawned on me that i didnt know where i was. brian i slur whererve? (where are we) My new spot. what happened to..dont worry about that. nicole was on top of jason on the sofa and i stumbled to the kitchen and poured shots in the glasses brian had. i grabbed two of the shots and stumbled over to nicole and jason. i was holding the glass and they were to busy kissing to notice me. HERE!!!! i yelled. they didnt listen so i poured the shot all over nicole. she started screaming and i was laughing. it was funny. pay attention next time i yelled in her face. Bitch! she yelled at me. Jason was getting up and nicole fell on the floor. i drank jasons shot as he went to the kitchen. i sat on the couch and nicole came over and sat next to me. you got my fucking dress wet, bitch!...so take it off. looking back now that was not the right the thing to say.
she was peeling her dress off and i was laying there. i dont remember what was said but next thing i know we were kissing. whoa! i would have stopped her but she as a damn good kisser. thats what i love about girls they are so passionate. at least the ones i have been with. we were taking each others clothes off and I rememeber the guys yelling out things. i dont know if i was supposed to be ashamed. i mean its one thing to be gay, but its another to be gay in front of people. isnt it?
we were on the sofa and they were watching. they were enjoying the hell out of this. Next thing i remember is money flying covering us. it was kinda like the time i did that party with my homegirl....... nevermind.... she was going down on me and i was enjoying it. i couldnt concentrate though. it had turned into a show. i felt like a hooker. i wanted to stop but not really. does that make sense? it was about what was hapening it had became a spectacle. moving on...
i looked up at the guys faces, they were in part disbelief and enjoying it a lot. i was in disbelief myself. she was doing a good job. i have always thought girls were better at it than guys. We werent ravanging each others bodies but it wasnt innocent either. we switched positions which meant it was my turn. i was partly drunk and trying to get my balance and by that time jason began kissing nicole and unzipping his pants. it was the pants unzip heard around the world. i looked up and there was his william (penis) in her mouth Whoa! i kinda sat back. i didnt want to be involved in a porn scene (it was a little too late for that, huh?) it was too up close and personal. his penis and all. it was right there!!!! this had the possibilty of going from two girls to four people in a heartbeat.
brian grabbed my hand and helped me off the couch. he guided me to the kitchen and picked me up and put me on the counter. i grabbed the bottle that was there and drank. he grabbed the bottle and took it away from me. he looked at me and said, I learned something new. i looked down at the floor. i didnt know what to say. he grabbed my face and kissed me. needless to say what happened on the kitchen counter. it was kindy pornish. it had been a minute and he tore threw me with a vengence. they were on the floor and we were on the counter. brian whisphered in my ear, lets go to the room. he helped me down off the counter and i stood there, i didnt know where to go. We got to the room and i layed on the bed.
I know you aint tired, im not finished, he said as he got on top of me and began kissing me. he was being sweet and gentle. why? as he was kissing me on my neck, i asked, what are you doing?... huh?...youre being extra gentle, thats weird...im always gentle....not like this, youre being romantic...whats wrong with that?....nothing...i mean..you werent like this the last times we did it...i was probably mad at you. he kissed me for a long time. we made out. i havent made out in so long. it felt good. he didnt try to stick me. i wasnt in the mood anyway. i was soooo tired and it had to be early morning because i heard birds chirping. i feel asleep. i woke up to knocking on the door. i nudged him and told him about the door. he got up and answered it. i heard a female voice and my ears tuned in. i couldnt tell what was being said but it turned into yelling. he slammed the door and came back to the room and got back in the bed with me. i didnt have the energy to mention it. i layed there and pretended i didnt hear a thing.
I told her i would go and she picked me up a few hours later. We looked cute of course. She had on a pink lingerie style dress from bebe and i had on a mcq tank over some shiny lame leggings and stilettos. the venue where the event was held is really small and in an alley, so you have to know where it is. when we got there it was packed and we went inside straight to the bar. we began mingling as we sipped pur martinis . one thing about me is that i am not that social. i have no clue why but thats me. maybe because i am shy. there were plenty of people there that fits the atlanta standard "young, fly, and flashy" we went downstairs and sat in a area just off the stairs. i was having a lot of fun being out and about. i felt pretty again. (more on that later) by this time the party was popping. it was crazy in there. everyone was drinking and having a good time. i got up and went upstairs where it wasnt as crowded. it was hot and i had just got my perm and i was not trying to sweat it out. not just yet. i sat on a sofa upstairs for awhile and i started to regret coming. why? because i am not a partier and i was starting to feel out of place. dont get me wrong i love to have a good time, but when was the last time I wrote about being in the party scene? Exactly. as i walked towards the downstairs area, i felt someone grab me. i turned around and it was Jason, Nicole boyfriend or boy toy or whatever he was. he grabbed me and said whats up! you look good. we were making small talk and catching up and he told me brian was down stairs. i gave him a look. i didnt want to see him i said. that was a bold face lie. i did, but i didnt. maybe i wasnt ready to.
he said whatever and grabbed my hand and pulled me downstairs. they were in the VIP area. it was packed and i could see a lot of women around. as i was approaching i could see him. he looked so good. all i could see was his frames(tom ford) and jeans ( i couldnt tell but i later found out that they were antik) and a tshirt (BBC)
there were so many women around. all of of them had on there fuck me pumps with accompanying dresses. this one chic was in his face. she was very pretty. she was laughing and talking and he looked like was he was interested. my heart dropped. it has been almost a month since i have seen him and the first time i saw him there was some girl in his face. Jason yells out, look who i found! He looked up and he smiled. seeing his face made me happy. he got up and grabbed me and picked me up. i felt good. he stood there hugging me for what seemed like forever. he stepped back and looked at me. Baby you look good. thanks i replied. just then i prayed (lord please, protect my vagina and by the end of the night please let me say no to sex) the girl he was talking to looked disgusted. he told her to move over. i said thats okay, i see you are busy i will come back. he said what! no its cool. sit. i shook my head no and told him i would be back. i walked away as fast as i could and went to the bathroom.
my heart was beating so fast. he looked damn good. i didnt want any drama because i was just not in the mood. after i collected myself i went to the bar and ordered ANOTHER martini. this guy came up and started to make small talk with me. he was nice but i could tell he was one of them. you know those who front so hard like they are about to blow up. let him tell it he had his own record company blah blah. he very well could have but the name of the record was something like "homeboy records". Whats the likelihood?
i was sitting there and felt someone kiss the back of my neck. brian. i turned around and i was kinda shocked. the guy was standing there and he looked shocked. the guy looked like he was going to say something, but he walked away. that was bold as hell. he sat next to me,grabbed my hand and kissed it. He looked at me with those hazel eyes and said, I miss you. i didnt say anything. what was there to say? when we stopped talking i had moved in with another guy and had been living as his wifey for that time. did i miss him? sometimes, but not really.
how was the party in vegas? i asked he smiled, it was cool. How was the party in dc? Cool. how did you know i went? i didnt you just told me. SIDEBAR-there was a party for a b-ball player a couple of weeks ago. Can we leave? I was not going to those hazel eyes fool me. i told him, no. thats took a lot because i never tell him no, except that one time in dc. he looked shocked. did you fool around in vegas? yeah he said matter of factly. i wasnt shocked. at least he told the truth. dc? yeah. damn he cant keep his pants zipped. what about the other places? NO. we were together then. whose panties were those? He smiled and looked away. i honestly dont know... he said when he finally looked at me. okay i said as i got up. he grabbed my arm. listen. sit back down. i sat. i dont really want to talk about that..... of course you dont brian.
baby please, lets just get out of here.... no.... you wont even admit to me what happened.... what if i did fuck around?... it wouldnt be the first time that it has happened to me.... would you be mad?..... no. i wouldnt (lie)...... so you dont give a fuck what i do? he was giving me that scary ass look. its not that. i know that i am not an easy person to deal with and maybe the chic was fine as hell and you couldnt say no...... have you been fucking somebody? he asked me. No i said. I am so surprised with all the storming outside that lightning didnt strike me dead as i told that lie.
i know you havent...what if i did? he gave me a look that was killer. well..i dont know... brian the rules shouldnt apply to only you... i dont know if i could handle it... what?... i said... you went to vegas and fucked somebody and you fucked somebody in dc. you were doing whatever you wanted to do. now it my turn and you tell me you cant handle it? fuck that. i knew then i could never tell him about the chic or about the dancing or the ex. NEVER! Well you havent and you wont so that dosent apply he said.. umm hmm.. i mumbled. hell i was lying, there was no point in me being loud WITH my lie. i told him i had to go to the little girls room and i would be back. i just needed a break. i went to the bathroom and leaned against the wall. i dont know what to do about him. i like him but i feel like there are things he dosent tell me. its more than a feeling, i know there are things that he dosent tell me. i feel like if we were to be together he would be a completely different person. i should always go with my gut. it never stirs me wrong. so maybe i should get back in with him to be a detective and find out whats going on. it could be just me. i dont trust a living soul. not even my own mother. its that serious. i am paranoid. i have every right to be.
after a few minutes i walked back to my seat, which was being sat in by a woman. gorgeous woman. light skin, long hair, smaller than me. typical as my friend would say. sorry if i offend anyone but i am brown skinned. he was smiling and talking to her. i stood there and watched for a moment. is this what he does when i am not around? at least he has good taste. she was laughing and playfully placing her hand on his chest and legs. i wanted to puke. it was so obvious that she was a groupie. i wasnt jealous though. i had already fucked him a million times and i could do it again so it was not a issue. but he was talking to another girl though.
i am fresh out of a relationship and i just dont have the energy to be mad at another man. they exchanged numbers and she walked away. i smiled and walked back to my seat. hey babe he said as he was smiling. in true brian style he had another drink waiting for me. she was cute, when are you gonna call her? i asked. he kinda laughed and didnt respond. when he didnt respond that made me snap.youre a piece of shit brian. you fuck somebody in hawaii, new orleans, phoenix, dc, and vegas. across the continental and non continental united states and then you have the balls enough to be in my face and you are still getting numbers? eww.you make me sick. i was real calm about this. we looked at each other and didnt say a word. i got up and was trying to make my way through the crowd. it was hella crowded and i was ready to go. i didnt know where nicole was. i got downstairs and looked in VIP and i didnt see her. I was pissed. I walked back upstairs and as i was walking past the bathroom i felt a hand. it was brian and he pulled me into the mens bathroom. dont be alarmed, the bathrooms are single and separate. so here we are in the mens bathroom. I wasnt mad at him, but i just wasnt in the mood for any drama. I wasnt in the mood to bitch either. imagine that!
We stood there and as much as I wanted him to bend me over the sink, it didnt happen. he said, why you acting crazy. I am not thinking about that girl. i want you, you know that....whatever brian..... i'm serious..... okay i said. he gave me a stern look, kissed me, and we walked out. we went downstairs and found the rest of our group. we ordered drinks and partied. to tell you guys the truth i have been in a blue funk for a minute. i have been going though a lot of issues and it was taking a toll on me. i was ready to go and brians kisses on the neck were getting to me. brian gathered the group and i hopped in the car him, nicole and jason hopped in her car and we stopped at Durpi's for breakfast. we laughed,talked, and ate. we left the spot and headed down peachtree. atlanta is such a beautiful city. we ended up at this nice high rise building in the atlantic station area.
we enter the elevator and brian is all over me. he was kissing me like crazy. it was fun and slutty. i was still drunk and by the sounds of it nicole and jason were doing the same things. we exit out the elevator and enter a large condo. it was beautiful. jason and nicole hit the sofa and brian goes to the fridge and pulls more alcohol. then it dawned on me that i didnt know where i was. brian i slur whererve? (where are we) My new spot. what happened to..dont worry about that. nicole was on top of jason on the sofa and i stumbled to the kitchen and poured shots in the glasses brian had. i grabbed two of the shots and stumbled over to nicole and jason. i was holding the glass and they were to busy kissing to notice me. HERE!!!! i yelled. they didnt listen so i poured the shot all over nicole. she started screaming and i was laughing. it was funny. pay attention next time i yelled in her face. Bitch! she yelled at me. Jason was getting up and nicole fell on the floor. i drank jasons shot as he went to the kitchen. i sat on the couch and nicole came over and sat next to me. you got my fucking dress wet, bitch!...so take it off. looking back now that was not the right the thing to say.
she was peeling her dress off and i was laying there. i dont remember what was said but next thing i know we were kissing. whoa! i would have stopped her but she as a damn good kisser. thats what i love about girls they are so passionate. at least the ones i have been with. we were taking each others clothes off and I rememeber the guys yelling out things. i dont know if i was supposed to be ashamed. i mean its one thing to be gay, but its another to be gay in front of people. isnt it?
we were on the sofa and they were watching. they were enjoying the hell out of this. Next thing i remember is money flying covering us. it was kinda like the time i did that party with my homegirl....... nevermind.... she was going down on me and i was enjoying it. i couldnt concentrate though. it had turned into a show. i felt like a hooker. i wanted to stop but not really. does that make sense? it was about what was hapening it had became a spectacle. moving on...
i looked up at the guys faces, they were in part disbelief and enjoying it a lot. i was in disbelief myself. she was doing a good job. i have always thought girls were better at it than guys. We werent ravanging each others bodies but it wasnt innocent either. we switched positions which meant it was my turn. i was partly drunk and trying to get my balance and by that time jason began kissing nicole and unzipping his pants. it was the pants unzip heard around the world. i looked up and there was his william (penis) in her mouth Whoa! i kinda sat back. i didnt want to be involved in a porn scene (it was a little too late for that, huh?) it was too up close and personal. his penis and all. it was right there!!!! this had the possibilty of going from two girls to four people in a heartbeat.
brian grabbed my hand and helped me off the couch. he guided me to the kitchen and picked me up and put me on the counter. i grabbed the bottle that was there and drank. he grabbed the bottle and took it away from me. he looked at me and said, I learned something new. i looked down at the floor. i didnt know what to say. he grabbed my face and kissed me. needless to say what happened on the kitchen counter. it was kindy pornish. it had been a minute and he tore threw me with a vengence. they were on the floor and we were on the counter. brian whisphered in my ear, lets go to the room. he helped me down off the counter and i stood there, i didnt know where to go. We got to the room and i layed on the bed.
I know you aint tired, im not finished, he said as he got on top of me and began kissing me. he was being sweet and gentle. why? as he was kissing me on my neck, i asked, what are you doing?... huh?...youre being extra gentle, thats weird...im always gentle....not like this, youre being romantic...whats wrong with that?....nothing...i mean..you werent like this the last times we did it...i was probably mad at you. he kissed me for a long time. we made out. i havent made out in so long. it felt good. he didnt try to stick me. i wasnt in the mood anyway. i was soooo tired and it had to be early morning because i heard birds chirping. i feel asleep. i woke up to knocking on the door. i nudged him and told him about the door. he got up and answered it. i heard a female voice and my ears tuned in. i couldnt tell what was being said but it turned into yelling. he slammed the door and came back to the room and got back in the bed with me. i didnt have the energy to mention it. i layed there and pretended i didnt hear a thing.
23.3.08
this is out of control
What is wrong with me? My britney is out of control. Its buzzing and throbbing. It wants something and it is talking to me loud and clear. Imagine me trying to complete my assignment for school and listening to New Edition "If It Isnt Love" on my ipod and I cant even fucking concentrate. I need to finish my assignment because lord knows that if I go home to the house. I wont get shit done. this bitch britney is always something. she wont leave me alone. I wish i could take it off and put it in my purse. she is fucking with me and i wont let her win!
Kanye West Flashing Lights...
I feel like that character from Zane's book addicted. except im not. I know what happened. Me and boyfriend had a fight about sex and he took my pants off and went down on me and didnt finish. So now I am in a bad state. I feel so bad is Easter Sunday and here I am at Borders blogging about sex. I am a nympho. Not really. Is this how mympho's feel? I feel like going to the bathroom and doing myself. or maybe the car....hmmm not a bad idea. i am about to lose it. I am on my bitch campaign. we have been fighting this whole week and I want to go out and stay out so he will wonder where I am before he goes to work. Just my luck I will go home and that tired ass nigga will be sleep.
Jackson 5 "Can you feel it"
No I cant dark skin Mike I want to. I have tried eating some of these expensive pastries and drinking some coffee but no mas. I cant even close my legs. Damn this song is the bomb. I heard this at a MAC event a couple of weeks back and I had to get it.
Maybe even I talk about something else it will make it okay. I need a new job. My employer sucks. I am working for a nazi. he is crazy. He gives us random pop quizzes! on random work shit. he hadnt tried that shit with me but with the way I feel I am likely to go off and yell out "I quit this bitch" I am really not as hood as i seem but I am disgruntled. My job is just that a job i need a career.
fucking football players and looking cute cant be it. ----Estelle American Boy--- Me and her have the same birthday, I know that bitch is crazy. I havent been shopping in a million years. I have been comtemplating telling Brian about the stripping and the lesbian periods. he will flip though. I need to think about it. the only reason i say that is because one of his home boys used to mess around with chic i know (we danced together) and he is coming to town soon.
Musiq-Ridiculous
so as people may or may not know I am an ex stripper. I am used to stripper money. like 3000-5000 a week. I have never fucked for money, sucked for money, i barely get naked and my attitude is shitty. dont even think about touching me. i am cute, i can dance my ass off, and i am no joke on the pole. I decided that I needed to change my life so I quit. but now I regret it. How am i going to make it? I dont feel like i am. I cant spend money the way i used to. my shopping has went to all the time to almost nonexistent. There is brian. he would take me shopping but i dont want that. i am so independent i want to do things for myself. i am dying i have never worried about money in my life and that is what i am doing. this isnt working.
the dream-playing in her hair
when you are a stripper and songs come on you always think of the money. dancing gives you a sense of empowerment.
Usher Nice and Slow
I had to change it. yall know why.
Pink U and UR Hand MY FUCKING THEME SONG!!!!!!
Yeah i need to be mad at some men.
You feel so strong and ur attitude becomes horrible. money is not a issue. You lose the respect for it. Some of your favorite rappers paid for my first degree and half of my second. I remember I was working in a city that was hosting NBA allstar events. I wasnt even working at the club and the manager hired me and I made 3000 in four hours. How am i supposed to remain the same? I dont know yall. i wont rule it out
little brother-step it up
its like being a crackhead. its the female drug dealing. its addictive and dangerous. yet i need it. judge me if you want.
"these hoes aint impressed by applebees no more." A nigga cant attract cristal with a boones farm mindstate"
Neyo-Aint thinking about you
I have to go tend my britney i will be back. she won!
Kanye West Flashing Lights...
I feel like that character from Zane's book addicted. except im not. I know what happened. Me and boyfriend had a fight about sex and he took my pants off and went down on me and didnt finish. So now I am in a bad state. I feel so bad is Easter Sunday and here I am at Borders blogging about sex. I am a nympho. Not really. Is this how mympho's feel? I feel like going to the bathroom and doing myself. or maybe the car....hmmm not a bad idea. i am about to lose it. I am on my bitch campaign. we have been fighting this whole week and I want to go out and stay out so he will wonder where I am before he goes to work. Just my luck I will go home and that tired ass nigga will be sleep.
Jackson 5 "Can you feel it"
No I cant dark skin Mike I want to. I have tried eating some of these expensive pastries and drinking some coffee but no mas. I cant even close my legs. Damn this song is the bomb. I heard this at a MAC event a couple of weeks back and I had to get it.
Maybe even I talk about something else it will make it okay. I need a new job. My employer sucks. I am working for a nazi. he is crazy. He gives us random pop quizzes! on random work shit. he hadnt tried that shit with me but with the way I feel I am likely to go off and yell out "I quit this bitch" I am really not as hood as i seem but I am disgruntled. My job is just that a job i need a career.
fucking football players and looking cute cant be it. ----Estelle American Boy--- Me and her have the same birthday, I know that bitch is crazy. I havent been shopping in a million years. I have been comtemplating telling Brian about the stripping and the lesbian periods. he will flip though. I need to think about it. the only reason i say that is because one of his home boys used to mess around with chic i know (we danced together) and he is coming to town soon.
Musiq-Ridiculous
so as people may or may not know I am an ex stripper. I am used to stripper money. like 3000-5000 a week. I have never fucked for money, sucked for money, i barely get naked and my attitude is shitty. dont even think about touching me. i am cute, i can dance my ass off, and i am no joke on the pole. I decided that I needed to change my life so I quit. but now I regret it. How am i going to make it? I dont feel like i am. I cant spend money the way i used to. my shopping has went to all the time to almost nonexistent. There is brian. he would take me shopping but i dont want that. i am so independent i want to do things for myself. i am dying i have never worried about money in my life and that is what i am doing. this isnt working.
the dream-playing in her hair
when you are a stripper and songs come on you always think of the money. dancing gives you a sense of empowerment.
Usher Nice and Slow
I had to change it. yall know why.
Pink U and UR Hand MY FUCKING THEME SONG!!!!!!
Yeah i need to be mad at some men.
You feel so strong and ur attitude becomes horrible. money is not a issue. You lose the respect for it. Some of your favorite rappers paid for my first degree and half of my second. I remember I was working in a city that was hosting NBA allstar events. I wasnt even working at the club and the manager hired me and I made 3000 in four hours. How am i supposed to remain the same? I dont know yall. i wont rule it out
little brother-step it up
its like being a crackhead. its the female drug dealing. its addictive and dangerous. yet i need it. judge me if you want.
"these hoes aint impressed by applebees no more." A nigga cant attract cristal with a boones farm mindstate"
Neyo-Aint thinking about you
I have to go tend my britney i will be back. she won!
21.3.08
misc....
i put out apps for a new boyfriend. Yall i am so tired of complaining. its only get worse not that i have stopped drinking if you believe that. i know i have slipped up a couple of times but i all and all i have been a real good girl.
So now on to whats bothering me.
I didnt want to have sex last night. it was the last day of my period where i was not bleeding but the coast wasnt completely clear. he was on me and in my ear so of course my body responded. After he was in me and it was good we were in an ackward position and i wanted to move my arm, he said no and we kept going, which was fine because it was really good and you know my passive attitude about sex. he wanted to flip me on my stomach and i didnt want to because he had suddenely become aggressive. he got mad rub against me a little and came all over me. he gets up throws me a big ass TOWEL to wipe off with and get in the shower. He was mad and when he came out starts yelling at me about how i suck, etc. I didnt want to argue because he is the meanest person and he dosent care about feelings.
i wasnt really listening and he says "this isnt going to work!" i got up put my glasses on and began to pack my shit. i did this because everytime he has said this he has left me. so i packed ALL my shit in about 20 minutes and got back in the bed. it was 1 am. i would leave in the morning. he got mad an said i knew that you would leave me blah blah. i have a question if someone says to you this isnt working what would you think?
now today he has been the biggest douche bag on earth. he is rude. i just want to drink and party. when i was party girl i was unhappy but i was drunk. this sober and unhappy shit just dosent work.
Dear God,
Please help. i m with a person that acts like he hates me. So to deal with me being such a good girl and cutting everyone i know off I am asking you can you bless with me with a couple of shots of grey goose. i will take absolut. hell i will even take some dark alcohol. Its a small favor.
Please let me know.
Thanks,
Love,
Me
So now on to whats bothering me.
I didnt want to have sex last night. it was the last day of my period where i was not bleeding but the coast wasnt completely clear. he was on me and in my ear so of course my body responded. After he was in me and it was good we were in an ackward position and i wanted to move my arm, he said no and we kept going, which was fine because it was really good and you know my passive attitude about sex. he wanted to flip me on my stomach and i didnt want to because he had suddenely become aggressive. he got mad rub against me a little and came all over me. he gets up throws me a big ass TOWEL to wipe off with and get in the shower. He was mad and when he came out starts yelling at me about how i suck, etc. I didnt want to argue because he is the meanest person and he dosent care about feelings.
i wasnt really listening and he says "this isnt going to work!" i got up put my glasses on and began to pack my shit. i did this because everytime he has said this he has left me. so i packed ALL my shit in about 20 minutes and got back in the bed. it was 1 am. i would leave in the morning. he got mad an said i knew that you would leave me blah blah. i have a question if someone says to you this isnt working what would you think?
now today he has been the biggest douche bag on earth. he is rude. i just want to drink and party. when i was party girl i was unhappy but i was drunk. this sober and unhappy shit just dosent work.
Dear God,
Please help. i m with a person that acts like he hates me. So to deal with me being such a good girl and cutting everyone i know off I am asking you can you bless with me with a couple of shots of grey goose. i will take absolut. hell i will even take some dark alcohol. Its a small favor.
Please let me know.
Thanks,
Love,
Me
18.3.08
im not jumping to conclusions am i?
I was looking for a place for a put my ipod cord. i decided that i would put it in the nitestand. i opened the drawer and there was a lime green my piece of paper in it. i picked it up and read it.
I Marnita Tiffany Collier promise to let my husband, ----- do whatever he wants with my pussy, mouth, asshole unless I am ill or health does not permit the request.
Marnita Tiffany Collier
I was stunned. I wasnt even snooping this time. I was shaking. This was just last nite. His ex wifes name is Tanya. Who is Marnita? The more I thought about it the more I thought that Marita was supposed to be his cousin. Thats what he told me. Clearly, he is a liar. I thought about it some more and I have seen pieces of mail with her name on it. Her first name his last name. Cousins dont have the same last name do they? If they did, they dont write notes to each other. Not like this. I went to the kitchen and got one. It was for some community college. The bitch dont even go to real college? So lets take inventory. You lied to me about who youre cousin was, because she was really youre wife. I could be wrong. But i know that i am right. When he came home this morning i asked him what was his cousins name. Michelle. Priceless like mastercard.
That means he has been lying to me the whole time about who she was? But why?
I dont know if i want to say anything. she isnt here i am. My friend told me to say something but i dont want to because i am not strong enough to hear wha he has to say. i only ask questions when i know i can handle the answer and i cant right now. How do you rebound from this? How am I supposed to have sex with him again. He gave me this long speech about how he loves me and dosent want me to leave. I should feel secure with us because he loves me. All lies. am i supposed to believe anything he says? Am i jumping to conclusions?
I saw the note and I confirmed the name. What are the chances that his cousin and his ex girlfriend would have the same name? ZERO. What can he say to me? She was playing? You layed there and told me your cousins name.
I am remarkably calm about this. I feel like I need more evidence. I dont know what I am going to do.
I Marnita Tiffany Collier promise to let my husband, ----- do whatever he wants with my pussy, mouth, asshole unless I am ill or health does not permit the request.
Marnita Tiffany Collier
I was stunned. I wasnt even snooping this time. I was shaking. This was just last nite. His ex wifes name is Tanya. Who is Marnita? The more I thought about it the more I thought that Marita was supposed to be his cousin. Thats what he told me. Clearly, he is a liar. I thought about it some more and I have seen pieces of mail with her name on it. Her first name his last name. Cousins dont have the same last name do they? If they did, they dont write notes to each other. Not like this. I went to the kitchen and got one. It was for some community college. The bitch dont even go to real college? So lets take inventory. You lied to me about who youre cousin was, because she was really youre wife. I could be wrong. But i know that i am right. When he came home this morning i asked him what was his cousins name. Michelle. Priceless like mastercard.
That means he has been lying to me the whole time about who she was? But why?
I dont know if i want to say anything. she isnt here i am. My friend told me to say something but i dont want to because i am not strong enough to hear wha he has to say. i only ask questions when i know i can handle the answer and i cant right now. How do you rebound from this? How am I supposed to have sex with him again. He gave me this long speech about how he loves me and dosent want me to leave. I should feel secure with us because he loves me. All lies. am i supposed to believe anything he says? Am i jumping to conclusions?
I saw the note and I confirmed the name. What are the chances that his cousin and his ex girlfriend would have the same name? ZERO. What can he say to me? She was playing? You layed there and told me your cousins name.
I am remarkably calm about this. I feel like I need more evidence. I dont know what I am going to do.
8.3.08
this shit is getting is on my nerves
this is what i am thinking right now......
why do i have to watch you play guitar hero or rockband or whatever the fuck it is? why? i am bored out of my fucking mind! this is not my idea of a good saturday. this is boring! not only that this cigarette smoke is killing me. i used to ignore that shit because i really liked your punk ass but now that i am not feeling you right now its irratating as hell! jesus! am i supposed to be in mediocre land? as i look at you it makes me want to throw up. i am just irked. why are you yelling out like this? no! i dont remember no fucking soundgarden video. i am bored!!!!! take me somewhere. i am so afraid that if i committ to you, i will stuck in the house because you are always tired and dont like to do shit. that isnt me. .....
i dont feel comfortable here. i have no where to put my clothes. i have been here a week and already you snapped at me twice. about the fucking door being open and about throwing a open box of cereal away. this morning it was about me saying something about you being a butthead. well you was! maybe i am pmsing. but as of now i dont think i will be here long. instead of a dresser there are blue totes. where i am going to put my stuff? do i have to get pink totes to put my stuff in? i feel like trailer trash. there is no cable tv or living room furniture. i cant be held up in this room with your burping farting ass all the time. it reeks of cigarette smoke and as i count there are 30 cigarettes in the ash tray. you walking tobacco stick.
no! i dont want to play that stupid ass game. take me shopping! take me to the movies! take me somewhere. get off your ass and get me flowers. entice me to fuck you! thank god i am going to my friends bday party tonight. i am not drinking though. i dont really want to do that either. its to far and i am not in a bowling alley mood. this bitch is wearing fucking shorts. good choice its like 30 degrees out.
calgon take me away!!!!!
why do i have to watch you play guitar hero or rockband or whatever the fuck it is? why? i am bored out of my fucking mind! this is not my idea of a good saturday. this is boring! not only that this cigarette smoke is killing me. i used to ignore that shit because i really liked your punk ass but now that i am not feeling you right now its irratating as hell! jesus! am i supposed to be in mediocre land? as i look at you it makes me want to throw up. i am just irked. why are you yelling out like this? no! i dont remember no fucking soundgarden video. i am bored!!!!! take me somewhere. i am so afraid that if i committ to you, i will stuck in the house because you are always tired and dont like to do shit. that isnt me. .....
i dont feel comfortable here. i have no where to put my clothes. i have been here a week and already you snapped at me twice. about the fucking door being open and about throwing a open box of cereal away. this morning it was about me saying something about you being a butthead. well you was! maybe i am pmsing. but as of now i dont think i will be here long. instead of a dresser there are blue totes. where i am going to put my stuff? do i have to get pink totes to put my stuff in? i feel like trailer trash. there is no cable tv or living room furniture. i cant be held up in this room with your burping farting ass all the time. it reeks of cigarette smoke and as i count there are 30 cigarettes in the ash tray. you walking tobacco stick.
no! i dont want to play that stupid ass game. take me shopping! take me to the movies! take me somewhere. get off your ass and get me flowers. entice me to fuck you! thank god i am going to my friends bday party tonight. i am not drinking though. i dont really want to do that either. its to far and i am not in a bowling alley mood. this bitch is wearing fucking shorts. good choice its like 30 degrees out.
calgon take me away!!!!!
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